i remember us in a circle after campfire night, genuinely excited by the novelty of a sky peppered with stars, since god knows singaporean skies average approximately three stars a night. so there we were, a cluster of urban-bred kids seated on ridiculously uncomfortable plastic chairs, keeping a vigil for shooting stars in the frigid cold. it got slightly frustrating missing them due to weak necks unable to withstand the extensive craning, though the waiting paid off when we finally saw one, accompanied by collective oohs and aahs.
a streak of light across the sky, lasting a brief moment before fading into nullity, somewhat characterizes my nano experience. i know that each time i look back on the 19 days spent laughing, suaning, and communicating in a profound mix of thai, english and body gestures, i will smile. but much as we all pretend it doesn't happen, memories fade with time, and so do relationships. i cannot recall as much about ban nam ree as i would like to, and to some of the nanoteam members i see around at school, i really cannot do more than just a smile and a hi.
it's something i'm quite reluctant to come to terms with, because i really did enjoy the days of ice-cold showers, mass dish-washing and manual clothes-scrubbing. having grown up in a luxurious bubble of drivers and maids, its hard to believe i'd have any fond memories of bnr, but i really did. it's something i'd like to hold on to for all my life, but it's slowly slipping away (like grains of sand in my fist and blah blah blah). it was a beautiful photo i would have wanted to keep framed by my bedside, but the colours are slowly fading, the images blurring into one another.
what was harder to come to terms with was hearing mr seow say "you're not going back, ever". i knew it, but hearing it out loud was different. i'd never see the kids again, i'd never laugh at xinjie's gaudy underwear again, i'd never hear jiesin's remarks about one-sided love affairs again, i'd never wrestle with lichin again, i'd never see the green landscape of valleys, mountains and rivers again. i'd never see bnr and all that came along with it, ever again.
i guess thats all the more reason for me to remember all i can today, and to cherish the unforgotten memory, before dementia hits me, and bnr becomes just one event in a series of other forgettable events.
god forbid it ever happens.
